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Serious Surrender

I thought I knew what it meant to surrender my life to God until I actually had to do it. Oh sure, I “gave my life to Christ” when I was 16. I said, “You are Lord of my life” when I was 24. I meant it both times. But I was still in control. I was still choosing which parts of my life to give and which parts I wanted Jesus to be Lord. I was still in control. God was only my copilot. Jesus definitely did not have the wheel.

Then I tried to stop my porn habit.

I was not in control. My old tricks didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t pray enough. I couldn’t get enough discipline to stay stopped. The final straw came one weekend when my wife went away for an overnight retreat. I was determined to be good the whole time. I totally meant it. I had my plan, my prayers, my will. Mine, mine mine.

349 Steps to Surrender

I watched her car go over the first hill and my brain clicked into autopilot. I went inside and poured my coin bank on the floor. I counted 349 pennies and put the rest of the coins back. I went to the bank and cashed the 349 pennies to $3.49, the exact amount needed to rent a video. I cruised the shelves and picked out a video. Used it. Returned it. Came back to my house and waited in stunned silence. It seems like I was still in the same spot when Jennifer got home. She sat down, we were quiet for a minute, and then she asked what I knew she was going to ask. “Well, how’d it go while I was gone?”

“Well”, I replied, “I know what those 12 Step people mean when they say they’re powerless, because I couldn’t stop myself. I guess we need to try those 12 Steps.”

A New Perspective on Surrender

That’s when I surrendered. That’s when I knew I couldn’t do anything to stop my habit, later labeled as my addiction. It’s when I knew I couldn’t pray this away, couldn’t memorize enough scripture, couldn’t try hard enough to make this go away. I finally gave up. I was not in control and I needed something more powerful than me to stop this addiction.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Psalm 3:5-6

I knew I couldn’t trust myself. I had tried that for years, attempting to control my addiction on my own. This time I was going to trust in the Lord. Now scripture made more sense from a position of surrender. I was reading the Bible from a perspective of transformation not simply information. I had been using techniques in order to control my addiction. They looked spiritual but I was still in control. Trusting in the Lord with all my heart meant giving all control to Him and acknowledging Him as Lord.

I had leaned on my own understanding for too long. Sometimes I was sincere and didn’t realize that I was operating on my own will. I thought I was supposed to take care of this addiction myself and present myself to God clean and sin-free. I began to accept and understand that God does the cleansing through forgiveness and He enables me to resist temptation through submitting to the Holy Spirit.

I realized I was compartmentalizing my life. Christ follower when I was in that arena. Addict when I needed relief, comfort or escape. Husband when I was with my wife. Lost to chains of addiction when I thought no one was watching. When I brought all of that, all of my heart to the Lord, He directed my paths. Jesus was and is Lord over my whole life, in every area and every way. Jesus began directing my paths and I began experiencing true sobriety and progressive victory over lust. That was freedom. I no longer felt tired and stressed from battling my addiction. I was no longer orchestrating the different areas of my life. I was surrendered. I allowed God to direct my paths and felt the peace that comes from freedom.

There are still times when I find an area that is not surrendered. Or I let some area of my life, like finances, slip back into my control. By paying attention to the people around me. The people who are not caught up inside my head, I bring those back to God’s care.

What about your Surrender?…

Do you have a life surrendered to God? Or do you have particular parts that you give to God and keep the rest for your own care. Can you identify with any of the following…?

Oh yeah, I’m a Christian but my music is my own. I know the lyrics talk about worldly relationships and attitudes but that doesn’t affect me.

Yes, Jesus is Lord, but I like my drinking. It’s okay, it’s just for fun and it’s okay to get a little buzzed.

I know I let my anger get out of control sometimes but if people would stop acting the way they do I wouldn’t get so mad.

Everyone looks at this stuff. It’s not hurting anybody. I’m just trying to get some relief.

Surrender is the easiest thing to say and the deepest, hardest thing to do. D. L. Moody is supposed to have said, “The problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the altar.” We all have areas of our life that won’t be perfected until we are looking at Jesus face to face. Until then, we are detectives discovering the hidden areas still under our control and not surrendered to the One who loves us and gave His life for us.

God has a life so much better than we can ask or think. He wants us to trust that He will take our life into better pastures. Our challenge is to reject the fear that invites us to desperately grab for the immediate relief in front of us. Imagine if we knew that our inability to let go of bad habits was a fear response to something in our life…fear of loss of status, fear of financial loss, or fear of losing a relationship. Imagine if we turned to trusting God rather than holding on to those habits or addictions for relief. We would then know surrender and know peace. We would experience life and relationships on a deeper and joy filled level.

Start on your own 349 Steps

Find one area in your life this month. An area not surrendered to God and work on giving control to Him. Tell me what you encounter and what you discover about yourself and the world around you. Let’s continue on this journey together.